am now back in portsmouth and doing the things i should be doing! am staying at my aunty's house after i arrived here friday morning. have been to see my mum every day and i am being the funniest i can be for her and all my family. there is no point me being sad in front of her now as it will make her send off even worse (she is now in a hospice and there really isnt long). one thing out of this is that ive ben hanging out with my youngest brother, who is now 13. i moved out when he was one so he doesnt know me at all. he is such such such a sweet boy. nothing like his father. his head is totally in the clouds and wanders a lot. he wrtes poems. he asks a lot of questions; hes intelligent and so sweet. i feel for him so much so am trying as hard as i can to take his mind off things. i even toook him to the circus yesterday which was actually really amusing! it was a small one in southsea and the people performing looked like russian crack addicts! most of the cast were from eastern europe and they have got some skillllllls in the gymnatsic departments!

with work, i am trying to work as hard as possible also. at the moment i am pathing the route for me to change direction. at the moment i'm working with this polish techno artist who turned me on to a polish experimental composer, check him here!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Krzysztof_Penderecki